Thursday, March 17, 2011
Well the day is here
I borrowed this image from here
The day that baby Zoe was supposed to arrive. The day that would make Jada a big sister. Am I sad? yup. Am I mad at my body for not carrying this babe to term? you bet! But you know what? I'm more upset that no one talks about her. It's like she didn't exists, didn't matter. Recently I read a message board on the net where a woman lost her baby at 6 weeks and said it rubbed her the wrong way to hear people name their lost embryo. Sorry but that makes me sick to my stomach! she talked about it as though it wasn't a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal then why do I feel traumatized by the whole miscarriage process? Maybe I'm crazy but I loved that little embryo, I dream about her and what she would have looked like, what her temperament would have been like. What Jada would think of her baby sister and all that good stuff. I let myself go to a happy place when I think of her and try not to dwell on the heart ache that loosing her has caused. I truly don't think anyone can understand what I'm going through until it happens to them. That said I wish no one would have to go through this. No one. Unfortunately it did happen to me again in November. I didn't even know I was pregnant but the hospital confirmed that I had another angel:(
If you read this far thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts and feelings
There isn't a day that I don't think of her. I will forever be her mommy and I will forever love her.