I borrowed this image from here
The day that baby Zoe was supposed to arrive. The day that would make Jada a big sister. Am I sad? yup. Am I mad at my body for not carrying this babe to term? you bet! But you know what? I'm more upset that no one talks about her. It's like she didn't exists, didn't matter. Recently I read a message board on the net where a woman lost her baby at 6 weeks and said it rubbed her the wrong way to hear people name their lost embryo. Sorry but that makes me sick to my stomach! she talked about it as though it wasn't a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal then why do I feel traumatized by the whole miscarriage process? Maybe I'm crazy but I loved that little embryo, I dream about her and what she would have looked like, what her temperament would have been like. What Jada would think of her baby sister and all that good stuff. I let myself go to a happy place when I think of her and try not to dwell on the heart ache that loosing her has caused. I truly don't think anyone can understand what I'm going through until it happens to them. That said I wish no one would have to go through this. No one. Unfortunately it did happen to me again in November. I didn't even know I was pregnant but the hospital confirmed that I had another angel:(
If you read this far thanks for reading my jumbled thoughts and feelings
There isn't a day that I don't think of her. I will forever be her mommy and I will forever love her.
6 comments:
I too understand the feelings your are dealing with.....for the entire month that our baby would have been due I struggled and I still think about the what if's, now. That baby would be nearly 6 months old. It does get easier as time goes on...I'm very sorry for your loss.
Andrea-
I am so sorry you have had to go through the miscarriage ordeal twice. It's so hard! I miscarried before our second child and found July to be a very hard month, because our little bundle would have been arriving then. I was jealous as one of my good friends had gotten pregnant (not trying) and had a healthy pregnancy RIGHT when I should have been too.
There are no words to make it better. I'm glad you talk about it, too many people keep it all inside.
Take care,
Emily
i miscarried before our first and again after our second. it is so hard. we named both of ours as well, and i think of them often. i'm so sorry for your loss!
Oh! Andrea I really understand, I miscarriage my first pregnancy, and I always think about he/she, but i never tell it out loud, maybe is because I'm blessed with other 3 kids after he/she and I think he/she send it to me.
Take care
Mara
Andrea, I too am sorry for your loss. I have never had to go through loosing a child but every time I here of someone loosing a baby i am reminded of how miraculous each birth is. People were never designed to grieve and is such a terrible thing to have to go through. I pray that you will know in your heart that baby Zoe and her little sister or brother are in Heaven.
I just noticed the quote by Elizabeth Edwards in your sidebar. I didn't know your story, but I looked it up and my heart goes out to you and your angel baby. Thank you for sharing that quote, it is definitely something I will take away today. I'll admit that I struggle when others are in grief. What do I say? What do I do? How do I make it better and not worse? It helps to know.
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